Bruise Cruise

 Tired of Policy Seminars at Sea? 
     Surge into the sunset aboard
AmericanEnterpriseLines
         HMS HEGEMONIC
                                 (Nigerian Registry)

                         Glowing reports of
THE WEEKLY STANDARD'S
               previous cruises:

" Nassau :The water is turquoise, the houses ... cotton candy pink. How good..How interesting our cruisers are ... A Disney ship's horn played 'When You Wish Upon a Star '... William Kristol… and Fred Barnes… procured.. .magnetic bracelets to cure motion sickness… It's a good look.”
Tortola “ Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum! Turquoise water and tiny houses…
St. Martin A few dollars procured a wide variety of fruity, girly rum drinks...Then …the islands of adventure... and back to Fort Lauderdale...
Hubbard Glacier let a dog team pull you. View holy paintings of the Czarist days, visit recuperating eagles ...stroll... Ketchikan's red light district
Are only reinforced by the Log of this years  Voyage, already found floating in a bottle by Bermuda Triangle fisherfolk--

  
 

Bimini :  Great news--no going back to  Fort Lauderdale. The good ship Hegemonic has just been bought by some Greek tycoon who thinks we deserve a longer vacation!

Eleuthera :  Captain says new owner, Tacky ,or whatever his name is, has set a new itinerary including South Georgia--Savannah maybe ?

East of  Grenada : Had poolside consommé with Fred Barnes watching Bill Kristol’s great imitation of Robert Maxwell walking the plank.

The Equator : Our blog uplink is toast. John Podhoretz dissed King Neptune about Georgia being in the opposite direction,and had the MariSat card in his pocket when  Trident man had him keelhauled.

Devil's Island : Put Senator Craig and Congressman Foley ashore with the ship's goat.

South Georgia: Stopped to pick up sheep, put out more flags ,and lay wreath at tomb of the unknown Daily Telegraph correspondent

Beagle Channel  Native canoes came alongside offering Inca Pisco, Vicuna coats, and a neat new powdered soft drink called Coca Coca.

Cape Horn Ambasador Bolton and Bill Kristol went ashore to pay a courtesy call on General Pinochet's brain..

Elephant Island  
Locals in white tie crowded  Bill Kristol’s gala dinner, but dove overboard during his speech, sticking us with a whinging bill for sardine and caviar canapes.

Pitcairn Day 200 Newsstand refuses to stock our mag. until it runs out  of The American Mercury and Look. Bill Kristol and Fred Barnes put in irons after jumping ship for Tahiti on a raft made of Mai Tai umbrellas.

Easter Island : Finished giant stone head of Rupert Murdoch this afternoon -- damn white coral contact lenses kept falling out

East of Java Bill Bennett broke the bank at chemmy last night, but lost the last of his 300 sequel advance playing Hold Em.
   
Wiki Wiki
Native newsboys in a fast catamaran followed us flogging the pidgin edition of The Economist. Kristol and Barnes beat them off with lifeboat oars and scalding consomme

Vanuatu  
Cargo Cult on Tanna hailed David as John Frum's long lost heir after he stopped the volcano erupting by giving  Anne Coulter the toss.

Christmas Island  Tried out the Vanuatu Letters of Marque and Reprisal David got in exchange for Anne. Rammed  and sank Rainbow Warrior II , but The Nation Seminar at Sea aboard Oosterdam gave us the slip in the fog. 

Demerara  Day 300.   Bill Kristol and Fred Barnes threw  Rummy a farewell bash at the Pusser's distillery- the 151 makes a dynamite Thermobaric Daisy Cutter and a smoooth  Planter's Punch. The AA crowd went inland to Jonestown for a Pina Koolaida party instead.

Bequia  After practicing their harpooning skills on J-Pod, the recreational whaling seminar guys scored a humpback. Locals very impressed

Guantanamo Bay Camp X-Ray Commander nixed our landing to buy Cohibas, but Cuban pilot says we're assured a warm reception down the coast.

Bahia Cocinas Venezuela's new Sec Nav  for life was waiting on his diesel submarine. he wants a gig on our next Alaska Cruise. Michael Ledeen has a very bad feeling about this, and David is looking for his Canadian passport.

Dry Tortugas  Day 400 free at last- when  crude hit $110, the owner ordered Hegemonic converted to a tanker, gave us  this trireme to get home. All we have to do is find the oars and instruction book.
 

 

 

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