Political Cosmology In Primary Colors

The Creation Museum's subversion of the nation's Presidential Primaries is a scandal of astronomical proportions!

Staying open throughout the primary season, this Kentucky establishment lures parents from the polls by advertising what seems a wholesome alternative to city slicker's " millions of years ' stories...ape-men " and all that. Do not be deceived. The Museum is a political ruse designed to undermine the  intelligent Presidential designs of fine candidates like Reverend Governor Huckabee with a Planetarium show offering children a ' starship ride billions of light years away .'

....   But Parents beware !  Beneath this Planetarium Of  The Apes ,
Satan twitches his claws. The 'Billions of light years' projected by
this diabolical  political light show are not of the Lord's Creation! Lift up your eyes instead to our

.......BIBLICALLY COMPACT ..............COSMOLOGY
The only Theory Of Everything that applies the rigorous equation D=2R to the impeccable premise that it takes light a year to travel a light year!

As the radius of the Universe R, equals C times the number of  years since Genesis, which noted Revelation scholar Sir Isaac Newton reckons as ~6,011, then D=12,022  [4004BC+2007AD* x 2 ] . So surely as Numbers follows Leviticus, the World being six thousand years old, The Universe must be twelve thousand  light-years across.

Red State Astrophysicists can breathe easy.  Adamant's new Theory of Everything is 100% inflationary ! As light zaps outward from the formerly dark face of the waters, the universe grows like clockwork, one light year larger every six months.

Now for the Good News. As light takes just 12,022 years to traverse Creation, the Biblically Correct Universe is a mere 1.7375 Trillion Cubic Light-years in volume, leaving the stars just billions of miles apart. No one will be Left Behind with Interstellar Travel a Done Deal!

Every space probe launched since Star Trek The Movie must by now have left hundreds of stars astern, and Voyager should arrive at the Andromeda galaxy any year now. Providence  clearly smiles on NASA's 'Faster, Better, Cheaper' program.

Besides offering missionaries from the churches of  Scientology , Unification, and the Latter Day Saints new  recruitment opportunities, high density astronomy puts paid to those who blame the sun for global warming. The real culprit is plainly the ten trillion stars blazing  away within a light-day's drive of Earth.

Forget CO2 and solar variation. The virial theorem suggests supernovas igniting on our doorstep hourly should  guarantee global warming of Biblical proportions, and the high density of q-bits per cubic cubit in Biblically Condensed Matter may help Vanderbilt Divinity school Doctor of Homiletics Albert Gore to repave the information superhighway and  extend  Moore's Law to the End Of Days.

Help Prohibit Election Day Sale Of Astronomical Moonshine In Arkansas !

Comments

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