The IgNobelium Prize?

Strange New Element From A Distant World Invades The Aperiodic Table

A new-found lithium mineral has been named  Kryptonite  by London's Natural History Museum because its formula approximates the label on the glowing green maguffin seen in Superman Returns.

This has led Scientific American to encourage patriotic ubergeeks & geekettes to track down the missing  comic book element Adamantium before renegade X-Men swap the silvery body-building aid for recreational alkaloids or unobtanium. I fear the 154 year old magazine may be too late. How can Sci Am be sure the wily metal wasn't discovered ages ago?

The annals of chemistry are awash with apocryphal elements that , instead of proving elemental , turned out to be compounds, alloys, or cases of mistaken identity. Many still enjoyed their moment of published fame before demotion to the dustbin of chemistry. More alas, than there are real elements. 120-odd former ones lurk in the index of Gmelin's Comprehensive Inorganic Chemistry alone.

Neptunium takes the cake. Un-discovered twice in the 1880's, its name was first applied to a ringer for germanium (nee'  Ekasilicon), and when that didn't pan out , to some pseudo-niobium (AKA Columbium). Re-aborted as Eka-rhenium in 1939, the unfortunate stuff was finally banished from The Aperiodic Table after suffering honest-to-gosh discovery in 1941-- it is now a bona fide nuclear bomb material.

So raise a Bohemium glass of Demonium rum to rescuing periodic chart rejects from deserved obscurity by  getting Tom Lehrer  to compose an encore to The Elements [click to listen.] To encourage the effort , please get the lead out , and  send paypal donations to Mnestheus@aol.com --it costs the equivalent of 100 pounds of iron (alias Nebulium) a month to run this place.

Absent Adamantium , Adamant , whose name pertains to mere carbon-the monoisotopic diamond described in US Patent 3,895,313, will offer Lehrer the coveted Nobelium Prize Medal if he performs prestissimo.  He'll have to. The half-life of his trans-uranic gong will give him 58 minutes in which to figure out what rhymes with :
Accretium , Agusterde , Alabamium , Alcaligène , Alkalinium , Aldebaranium
Andronium, Anglium , Anglohelvetium , Angularium , Archonium , Aridium
Asterium , Athenium , Ausonium , Austrium  Berzelium , Bohemium , Brevium
Carolinium , Cassiopeium  , Celtium  , Centium , Centurium , Cererium
Ceresium , Colonium , Coronium , Crodonium , Cyclonium ,Cyclotronium...

>This way to the Dor, Incognitum, and  Phtor:  All names unfortunately guaranteed real
Warning : Although certifiably non-toxic by virtue of their non-existence , these elements are subject to TSA regulation when liquid. Their  use in coinage , pacifiers, or instruments of nuclear deterrence is not recommended.  

Dakin , Danium , Danubium , Davyum , Decipium , Demonium , Denebium
Dianium , Didymium , Diplogenium , Donarium , Dor

Emanium , Eosium , Erythronium , Esperium , Euprosium , Eurosamarium
Euxenium , Extremium

Florentium

Geocoronium , Gourium

Helvetium , Hesperium , Hibernium

Illinium , Ilmenium , Incognitium , Infracarbon , Ionium

Jargonium , Joliotium , Junonium

Klaprothium , Kosmium

Leptin , Lewisium , Littorium , Lucium

Magnium , Masrium , Masurium , Meitnium  , Melinium , Menachin
Mesothorium ,Metargon , Moldavium , Mosandrum , Muriaticum , Muride

Nebulium , Neokosmium , Neothulium , Neoytterbium , Newium , Newtonium
Nigrium , Nipponium , Niton , Nonactinium , Norium , Norwegium , Novum

Ochroite , Odinium , Offium , Orthohelium , Ostranium

Panchromium , Panormium , Pelopium , Percentium , Philippium , Phtor
Pluranium , Polinium , Praedicium , Prodaniukium , Ptene

Radlabium , Rolandium , Russium

Scheelium , Scotium , Sequanium , Sirium , Spectrium

Thelike , Therine , Thoron , Tyrium

Ultimium , Universitium

Vesbium , Vestaeium , Vestium , Virginium

Wasium , Welsium ,  and Wodanium

Like nobelium ,Kryptonite may not be long for this world either. Geoestablishmentarians are insisting that ,as it does not contain krypton, it must be formally named Jadarite ,after its Serbian place of discovery, to be immortalized in the European Journal of Mineralogy later this year.

Comments

[Steve Aubrey]

I'm surprised that Unobtainium didn't make the list . . .

RESPONSE:
UNOBTAINIUM IS AN ENGINEERING MATERIAL OR LEGAL FICTION --

THE APOCRYPHAL' ELEMENTS ' LISTED HERE WERE ALL PRODUCED AS PHYSICAL SAMPLES & DESCRIBED IN THE CHEMICAL LITERATURE.

[Matthew Joseph Harrington]

Hang on there; Thoron was an early name for Radon. If that's included, Columbium should be too.
RESPONSE;

IT'S MORE OR LESS THERE AS MESOTHORIUM. THE SUBJECT IS MISTAKEN IDENTITY , NOT PRIORITY OF DISCOVERY , OR CATFIGHTS OVER NAMING ISOTOPIC PRODUCTS OF FISSION OR RADIOACTIVE DECAY

[Rod Schaffter]

I presume the prize medal will be a strong emitter of N-rays...
RESPONSE
If you donate an all wood diffraction grating our Special Effects Directorate will check. It currently plans to pin a curium-plated tin medal to Laureate Lerher's tailcoat, and invite the audience to throw celebratory lumps of coal at him.

The relativistic tail of the better pitches' velocity distribution should generate nobelium as carbon and curium nuclei collide