A so called 'biology' professor alleges that a cult at his university holds a weekly cannibal feast , preceded two days in advance by day long orgy of piscivory termed "Friday' that spares not even the flesh of the Great Tentacled One.
According to professor P.Z.Myers ,the cult's media avatars have demanded his dismissal from the University of Minnesota, protesting his confusion of our metaphysical rituals with the flesh and blood sacrifices of Miskatonic University's Neo-Aztec student union, which has been threatening death by lutfisk or immersion in wasabi to any who dare desacrate their ritually correct cuisine. Their embryo free eatery was gutted last December as ovarian rights and anti-abortion activists clashed over who would get to set fire to the human eggnog at a New Year's Eve celebration.
Myers' vociferous campaign to wean acolytes from spiritual nourishment by offering them unconsecrated shrimp crackers suggests IQ testing of giant squid has left him with a bad case of Cephalopod Tourette's Syndrome.
The league agrees with Bill O'Reilly that pending Myers sacrifice to The Great Tentacled One, the University Of Minnesota remove giant squid from its faculty club menu,and desist from serving beef, pork, clams, horsemeat and soybean products during Hindu, Muslim, Jewish and Pythagorean holidays and major rodeos.
Textured swan protein and whale steaks produced in accordance with our alien masters stem cell research guidelines must replace these items on the menu, and the club must freeze its caviar stocks until such time as the eggs can be fertilized by the Sturgeon General.
Let me conclude by assuring Professor Myers that no mutant octopi were killed or injured in creating this podcast , and reminding him that I'm not just the founder of the Tentacle Club For Men, I'm a customer.