POSTMODERN GEOLOGY 102 A
Petrology for Deconstruction Majors
This violet to green, obsidian-like lithic, fused from the White Sands of southern New Mexico is an un-natural glass emplaced in a shallow anticline , with a tritium age of 6.1 milli-eons, a few weeks older than the Terminal Showa formation of the Hiroshima district in southern Japan.
Younger deposits are known to exist in Kazakhstan ,the Lop basin in China, and synclines in India and Pakistan. A calcian variety has been reported from some recently vanished French atolls. All are highly enriched in transuranic elements and look far older than their years.
More mafic than Maccadamite,this high-temperature no pressure metamorphic exists atop the holocene tar sands of Kuwait. Consisting of quartz grains in a matrix of carbon black with fossil impressions of boots, coots and camel tracks, its petrogenesis defies explanation.
High porphyrin levels suggest a marine Cretaceous origin ,but no natural or commercial explanation exists for the infernal thermal fluxes required to pyrolize so much carbon There are no signs of natural catastrophe or nuclear winter in the vicinity.
Foundation stone of the infant science of neopetrology , cryabase is the only terrestrial rock consisting entirely of condensed air. This paragon of igneous minimalism contains native oxygen and nitrogen, argon snowflakes ,and minute crystals of Freon, neon, and radon.
Cryabase occurs as aircicles and frost-like masses surrounding liquid hydrogen tanks. Much feared by Space Shuttle pilots ,it is difficult to collect as geologists picks embrittle severely at frozen air temperatures. Attempting to lick field samples is highly inadvisable.
Phenomenally cold and dark variety of cryabase. A report in Science in 1983 stated that minute amounts in atmospheric suspension can lower global temperatures below freezing for 40 days and 40 nights, but the still unpublished type specimen seems to have reverted to apocryphite.
Saganite seems structurally related to Imhofite and the War of the Worlds symplectite near Grovers Mills N.J . Immense deposits reportedly exist beneath the Enron gas dome and the Busang Borneo megagold strike, but none has been offered for sale . Distinguishing features : highly refractory at a distance; melts under examination.
The Ground Zero Gneiss
Thus far known only from lower Manhattan and the Pentagon basement, this so unique migmatite exhibits a portlandite matrix with corrugated layers of galvanized iron , asbestos fibers , and exotic nickel alloy laths whose grain structure suggests hot deformation. Zones of heavily mylonized gypsum contain mica-like books of carbonaceous schist with angular markings. Unlike exsolved graphic granites, which resemble garbled cuneiform, the GZG graphitites are highly legible, and appear to pertain to world trade.
The Tora Bora Metapeltites
Cave entrance exposures near the Waziristan-Pakistan syntaxis have yielded fugitive traces of these rare and much sought after products of repeated shock and awe.
Its distinuishing features are Seismic deformation and clasts of lead, depleted uranium , kevlar and boron carbide. Analytical petrologists hope to collect the $50 million reward offered for a specimen showing plastically deformed traces of the elusive organic phase binladenite in amounts sufficient for positive DNA identification.