A new wave of American Exceptionalism!
While Sam Huntington and Pobert Putnam" hunker down in the presence of diversity" and Francis Fukuyama worries about " migrants who are more sure of who they are challenging enlightenment values, " those bowling alone may encounter :
The Schwyz Guys
These descendants of Depression era arrivals from Tirol seek a quota of Hollywood roles to make up for The Untouchables slighting of Italian Swiss Colony bootleggers.
The Wyoming Dutch
Their forebears settled Pennsylvania's Wyoming
Valley, only to be scalped by Delawares during the French and Indian War; now they demand the extradition of the responsible tribe from its hideout on the
Cheney ranch.
The Indomitable Snowdens
Descendants of Welsh countertenors indentured to Francis Scott Key. They claim performance copyright on the National Anthem and demand reparations for centuries of skipped high notes.
Sami Get Your Gun
These Lapland clubbing and skinning folk emigrated en masse when told Americans consumed millions of Christmas seals. Their shamans demand the right to fire flintlocks up chimneys on Christmas Eve to ward off Saint Nicholas' reindeer.
The True Normande
Demand a controlling interest in Laird's Apple Jack as amends for Calvados brand theft by New Jersey orchard barons.
Sinn Finn
This IRA offshoot demands amnesty for
Finnish-American bank robbers from South Boston, and apologies to the
family of missing political prisoner Whitey Bulger
FETA
Foixards for the Ethical Treatment of Angevins:
Albigensian-American group claims veterans benefits as hereditary enlistees in
the Hundred Years War.
Riga Mortis
West Virginia Eastern Balts who picket
medical museums in the nation’s Capital demanding repatriation with
military honors of amputated Latvian body parts.
The Sven North Forkbearders
Claiming descent from the Geat Gatsby, these Viking-Americans maintain Long Island chardonnay proves it is part of Vinland, and want
the Hamptons declared the fifth borough of Reykjavik
The Kaliningrad Kennel Klan
Association of Siberiak dog
fanciers that accuses American Kennel Club show judges of blatant
pro-Pomeranian bias and inability to pronounce basic commands like
'fetch' in Samoyed ; demands offending parties be sent to Tuva for
remedial throat singing lessons.
Jutes for Jesus
Anabaptist group claims persecution by
nativist Angles and Saxons, wants want Upper Michigan designated as
Jutish national homeland and damages for Aquavit rationing during
World War II.
The Krishna Mennonites
Also known as the Plains Dutch. Orissan-Americans whose Trinidad sojourn as indentured labor ended in Indianapolis due to confusing TSA regulations They want the Supreme Court to adopt saffron robes, and the right to force Ranjeeshis to commit suttee
The Bourbon Tabernacle Choir
Royalist faction of French
Church of Scientology; practices polyandry & sacramental use of
Southern Comfort. See Church of Notre Dame of the Latter Day Saints
The Frankish Liberation Front
Franconia for the Franks
activists seeking US embassies in all 300 Ante-Bismarckian German
principalities , and protocol changes including a 6300 gun salute for
their Grand Marshall.
The Big Bend Wends
Drawl drift has rendered this group's
speech unintelligible even to itself, leading to use of family
bibles as cookbooks, and demands for recognition of the Modern Language
Association as the provisional government of Texas.
The Bayou Travesty
Coalition of Monagesque Cajuns that claims
Grace Kelly's marriage to a foreign prince or potentate invalidates the
Louisiana Purchase. Seeks enfranchisement of crayfish.
Thanks for the laugh!
Posted by: John Burgess | August 11, 2007 at 10:53 AM
Thank you for introducing me the wonderful information.And .....Totally boring.!
Posted by: Health News | March 18, 2011 at 02:52 AM