Augusta , Georgia , a metropolis of 200,000 famed for golf tournaments and the threat of amphibious attack rabbits at the throat of Jimmy Carter , has moved to tax a weak link in the defense of its citizens vital bodily fluids. A $1 water meter surcharge has been enacted to buy anti-backflow valves to deter non-infidel dogs and Aqua Teen Hunger terrorists from insinuating vile toxins into America's undefended first line of defense- Where was your fire hydrant last night ?
Those aiming to attach the $575 dollar valves to millions of fire hydrants do not dwell on why evildoers should prefer public plumbing to reversing private swimming pool pumps , but the perps should be easy to spot . Be on the lookout for caravans of trucks blazoned with the skull and crossbones. Turning a city the size of Augusta into a virtual Jonestown would entail mainlining 200 tons of cyanide into its water mains. More on the intellectual downsizing of anti-terror hardware by Heartland hucksters here.