Can Venice Save DC From Raving Greens ?
Denialists may reckon the risk on a par with the displacement of water by Cleopatra's barge , but Cris Horner, the incumbent climate wizard of Planet Gore , fears sea level may rise to inundate DC if ravers at Al's Live Earth concert exhale too much CO2. Yet it is only natural that Democrats with carbon neutral yachts should agonize over the Precautionary Principle ashore. To spare Washington from a watery grave when the Great Green Rave breaks over the nation's capital , perhaps they should advise Al to follow Venice's saving example.
The party animals of the Serene Republic devised a sartorial solution to the party's air quality problem centuries ago. Threatened with an outbreak of the Black Death , cool Venetians packed their Carnivale mask schnozolli with spices to soak up the deathly Miasma , and bravely boogied on. The imposition of the germ theory of disease on innocent Venetians by AIDS activists has since cooled Carnivale somewhat. So today ratty plague masks can be picked up for a song in better Adriatic flea markets.
Exported to Green ateliers , the masks can be recycled as Carbon Dioxide capture systems by repacking their beaks with SodaSorb to keep the satanic gas from escaping into the pristine Foggy Bottom air. But EcoRock concerts entail heavy breathing-- how can the mask's capacity to absorb the revelers CO2 be maintained as the bands play on ? And on-- Snoop Dogg, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Black Eyed Peas, Fall Out Boy, The Foo Fighters......
Using coal -fired power to tame such an electric guitar Gotterdammerung could raise sea level enough to turn the Supreme Court porte cochere into a Gondola stand. So though Vanity Fair subscribers may enjoy being leashed with electric cords, using renewable energy is the only democratic way to keep the revels green. Conspicuous consumption of corny old gasohol could trigger a tortilla inflation riot--it's better conserved for washing down Ecstasy tabs in case Al whips out his Inconvenient Truth slides. So what's to empower the party people?
Once again, it's Venetian fashion sense to the rescue ! No respectable palazzo dweller appears masked in public without a hat , and the solar micro turbine baseball cap answers to that description. Apart from generating power to sell to Al's minigrid , their sweatbands can feed molten salt fuel cells , furnishing ecsydiasts with streams of absorbent lye to cleanse the good green air. The dusk to dawn blast from the departing rockers Gulfstream V's will disperse any attendant chlorine , and provide wind-power enough to propel the party into a proper rave. before dismissing such high-tech haberdashery as outlandish , consider the glad rags our Former Next Doge last wore to a masked ball of Venetian proportions--
Survivors of Al's bash can judge if LiveEarth has tamed the hot air of the Capitoline fever swamps by using the internet's coolest online CO2 viewing tool. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's CarbonTracker website. If all goes well, DC won't appear as a Red State on its Global Greenhouse map. This Fourth Of July 2005 CO2 snapshot shows seasonal CO2 sources, like the Amazon Rain Forest , shaded red and sinks, like the thawing Arctic shaded blue. Somebody had better show this to Al before he forgets he invented it.
Full Disclosure : Russell Seitz has been known to coauthor David Jones' Daedalus column in Nature