Interviewed on condition of anonymity at the Union Oyster House,a TSA gourmand reports : “ The ban on lobster travel represents no infringement of crustacean civil liberties.
As unreconstructed redcoats , lobsters remain subject to the Commonweath's Alien and Sedition Acts.The wearing of lobster bibs by passengers is also forbidden in keeping with the new DHS ban on cotton, hemp, and linen clothing . Such fabrics contain cellulose, which can be combined with nitrogen, an ingredient of airport air found in fertilizer bombs, to create guncotton. a deadly explosive which figured in Boer terrorist attacks in 1903."
SCARED WHITE by the TSA's hair-raising ruling , a terrified lobster surrenders at Logan